Friday, June 25, 2010

Sometimes you have to just let Go....

I find it hard to believe that letting go will cure all your problems...but I do believe that with time maybe your problems can disappear..or at least you can pretend that your problems are stuck in the past..I think sometimes in the present you bring your past along with you to your present life...
I had a dream was about my ex-boyfriend. Weird. Me and Jason have no relationship, no ties binding us together except the stamp on my heart...I think it is nothing less than a coincidence that I would dream about Jason. Especially when I keep comparing this new situation I'm in to that situation. Now there are many DISTINCTIVE differences between the two guys...but what's similar is how easy it is to fall for ...since Jason, I've been in many 'things' but I never allowed myself to get into a 'thing' like this one. I always strayed from feelings because once you catch feelings it is incredibly hard to get rid of them.
In my dream I saw Jason and he was with his new girlfriend, but instead of leaving with her he left with me. I have no clue what this dream means but I do feel as if has something to do with 'D'.
My ultimate problem/question is 'when is it the right time to let go?'

Thursday, June 17, 2010

growing up

So my neice/daughters are growing up. Today they embark on one of the biggest moments in their first 10 years of life...5th grade graduation. It may not seem big to you, but it is big to me. I remember the day they were born. I remember the day they 1st started getting on my nerves. I remember the first time I fell in love. It was July 12, 1999. That's when Tayler and Tyler graced the world with their presents. I know its supposed to be presence but to me they were a gift. So today I have a few words of advice and encouragement. First I'd like to begin by saying how extremely proud of you I am.
1. Middle school is a journey and you two are so lucky to have one another.
2. Get involved in the clubs. Experience middle school. The more clubs you join the more friends you make.
3. Always talk to someone. Talk to me. Feel comfortable enough to express what's on your mind.
4. Middle school is fun but it is also a very complicated time: its all about finding yourself...finding out what you like and you don't like
5. When I was in middle school, I enjoyed myself I was involved in the programs after school but I began to find my independence.
Lastly, just have fun and take your scholastics serious.
6. Boys. Whew, stay away. Lol, you don't have to stay away, but keep them as friends...its always better that way.

Tayler and Tyler you two are very beautiful and smart girls and again, I am extremely proud of you. I know that you all will grow into the ladies that God has planned for you. But along with growth comes mistakes; and don't be afraid. It is ok to make mistakes. But what is not ok is making the same mistakes over and over. I love you.


Aunty Jasmin
Always and forever

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Are you a man basher?

when a guy makes you cry, do you believe that every man who you meet afterwards will make you cry? will these be tears of joy and love or will they be tears of heartache and abandonment?
A lot of times when my girlfriends and I discuss heartaches I really start thinking about every guy who has hurt me...I start thinking that maybe all guys 'aint' shit...I absolutely hate to see a girl friend of mine hurt or sad...I see all the great qualities in the women around me and I always wonder what kind of jerk would treat these beautiful women like this or like that. But then I realize most of these guys are not even jerks...and thats when we (ladies) get together and we talk about how 'guys aint shit' because no matter if they are short or tall, fat or skinny, smart or dumb, rich or poor...they somehow manage to leave a trail of broken hearts behind them. I believe that heart break is inevitable but I also believe that love is inevitable as well. Recently, when I was hurt I talked so much shit about this guy to make myself feel better but deep down inside I can honestly say that he is a great guy and I can honestly say that about my ex-boyfriend as well; but when a new guy hurts me I compare it to the time I was hurt before and I think damn "same movie, just different characters..." As women we don't know why guys do the things they do or why we allow them to drive us to do some of the crazy shit we do...we just know that it happens...
so my question is 'do you man bash?'
I honestly think I allow my 'potentials' to start from scratch. I don't carry on the baggage from past relationships to current ones even though it is hard not to compare heartache to heartache.
and if you do, does it mean that you have been hurt so much before that it is hard for you to appreciate a good man..?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Inspired by my last post, I found some great quotes about the differences between men and women...Hopefully you enjoy :-)

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.

- There are two kinds of women: those who wish to marry, and those who haven't the slightest intention not to.

- To a single woman men are either dates, potential dates, or date substitutes.

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious."

"Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot."

"Men can be analyzed, women ... merely adored."

"Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious"

"Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them" Oscar Wilde


is it to much;
If I want to be happy?
If I want to be with you all day?
If I want to be happy with you? All day and allllllllllllll night?
Speaking of wanting to be with someone all day... When is it appropriate to live with your significant other? As you get older your feelings change, everything changes...being with one man can make you just want to be with him, just want to stay in the house and lay up...hang your club dresses up for 'I'm with him' dresses...I don't feel like this- I'm just saying :-)...I can understand how when a relationship is new every moment apart is more like a leap year. I think relationships are hard because no one realizes how much work goes into making it work. In my mind and maybe yours as well it goes kinda like this:
Guy: damn, who is that?
Girl: he could possibly be my next boyfriend...
And in this instance they don't know each other but it is apparent that they've noticed one another...and upon noticing the guy approaches the girl...and here's the conversation:

Guy: you look beautiful, I was wondering if I could call you sometimes
Translation: your fine and hopefully you let me call you so one day I can wake up next to you.
Girl: thank you. What's your name? And all other small talk...
Translation: although I was just looking at you...let me find out what your all about...

I say this to say that conversation to a woman is very important. From the moment I see you I can decide whether or not I'm sexually attracted to you and I honestly can say that I know if its a 'go' or a 'no'...but with mind can be altered...if your conversation is all that and I'm feeling you my 'no' can turn into a maybe...and then a yes...
I'm no expert in men, but I think conversation falls into the latter with them...its all about the right now...but in my mind I'm ready to put the club dresses up if it means I gain so much a woman I know that I am picky but I also know that I am a great compromiser...because sometimes that's what it all boils down to. If the guy I'm interested in meets 88% of my qualifications; I promise I won't be searching for a guy who can fill the rest of that void. But-and again, this is just my oppinion guys want 100%. So they are willing to date 10 different women who each offer him the 10% of what he and women are just so different. the minor details to a woman mean nothing to a man because he doesn't feel the need to pay attention. What I will try not to do is settle. I think thats one thing I can admire about men instead of settling for just one women they attempt to go and find everything they are looking for. I think while dating it is okay to date multiple women or men who make you happy; but when it comes to relationships one person should suffice.

what do you think are the major differences between men and women?

Saturday, June 12, 2010

if you had let me know, I wouldn't have put on my clothes...hell I wouldn't have even got out the bed...somethings may just be better off unsolved...i just want to know are your fingers broke? and where did you go instead? why have me sitting here waiting? AHHHHHHHHHHH, i need to set some shit on fire...

walk away

In life sometimes you have to walk away from a situation before your in so deep that even if you tried to turn away and walk home you wouldn't even remember how to get home...
but sometimes you can be so blinded that you forget that you've walked to far and made a wrong turn...i think it is about that time that i walk away from so many things in my life...

i got caught slippin

remember in my post "Me, him and her" my last line said that I wouldn't be caught slipping...but guess what....I slipped and fell and lost my damn mind. So last night my threesome ended. As for now that shit is over like last year. Last night, these last few nights actually have defined this thing that he and I had. I keep calling it a thing because at the end of the day it was all confusion. BUT anyways back to this one-some that
im in; last night he and I were supposed to meet so that I could try and resolve this situation. but according to him 'something came up, and he wasn't near a phone...' clearly this fool traveled back to 1908 and there were no cell phones, no house phones..shit there was nothing. but anyway, I was stood up. WARNING, You may judge me for what I am about to confess...but honestly I don't care...because Im telling.

So, last night I go to the Bar around the corner from my house just to sit and watch drunk people while waiting on this fool (this is around 11:20ish) im enjoying myself...of course I meet a few guys who offer to buy me drinks and just talk to me since im at the bar by my self-- but I tell them Im not lonely, Im just alone (because there is a difference). So time flies while I sit at the bar, and I check my phone and it is 12:51 when I become CRAZY...I mean it...from 12:51 to about 1:09 I send him a text message for everything that I've been wanting to say but just have not had the opportunity to say. (I literally sent about 15 text, you can judge me. I sent them because I had to get this off of my chest. I had to let him know that his shit stinks. And of course he didn't respond to my texts, so I called and I called and then this fucker picks up on the 3rd call...talking about his 'phone was in the car...come meet him' and this is when i let him have it...and all I remember ending the conversation with is "F!@# this, and you, and her. Don't call me and I won't call you."
I feel like I hate being a stalker but in this case I wasn't stalking...I was expressing myself...I was letting him know that my feelings were hurt. And the thing is now as I write this im not hurt and im not mad, I just need answers... don't leave me in the dark when its my situation...Communication is key when it comes to 'relationship things'

i got caught slippin' and i am not ashamed to admit it...we all slip sometimes but I honestly didn't think it would be me...this soon...

Friday, June 11, 2010


this is one of my all time favorite poems. I love Maya Angelou. Hope this poem inspires someone, as it inspires me everyday,

enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even
if she never wants to or needs to...


something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see
her in an hour...


a youth she's content to leave behind....


a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old


a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...


one friend who always makes her laugh.... and one who lets her cry...


a good piece of furniture not previously own ed by anyone else in her

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that
will make her guests feel honored...


a feeling of control over her destiny...


how to fall in love without losing herself..



when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or
the nature of her parents..


that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...


what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...


how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it....


whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...


where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...


what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year....

Me, him and her.

I never said I was interested in a three-some but I find myself in one right now. Me, him and her. When we met, I knew about her and I knew what he told me about her. I knew how he hated going home and how he said that he had to be stupid drunk to just be around her...The situation was a lot so I said ‘we can only be friends...’ but somewhere down the line just like we exchanged phone numbers, we exchanged feelings. He said they were over, but again the situation was still very sticky. Once we exchanged these feelings I forgot about her butsubconsciously I knew it was ME, HIM and HER. I knew it was her, when randomly he’d disappear or she’d call and the mood was altered. So the relationship between him and I changed and I find myself questioning his intentions. I knew about her not by name or anything but she is very much apart of this thing that he and I have. What are you supposed to do when your in a situation like this...and why do these ‘situations’ keep happening to me? And what are you supposed to do when feelings are involved? When we are together everyday, when he calls-my heart smiles, when I leave him- i miss him, when I see him- I have to kiss him...who’s fault is this? Recently, I’ve been wondering should I be ‘dating’ other people.We had ‘THE’ conversation and it was made clear that he didn’t expect me to date anyone but him. I didn’t say this to him but in the back of my mind im and him. him and her. me, him and her. so am i only allowed to date him, and he can date me and her...huh? according to him, they are not dating...should I stop before it goes any further? I just smirked because im probably not going anywhere, but just don’t think i’ll be caught slipping.

Is it you? Or is it JUST me?

My linesister Jaime wrote this and I thought it was really great...I know Jaimez and I know how she tries to make her self unavailable so to read her justifications I thought it was funny. Sometimes we justify things to make life easier for ourselves. We push people away because we are afraid of being hurt...I think thats the major thing for women and guys we are all so afraid of being hurt by love that we make excuses as for why we don't want to be monogamous. To me when people say "I am NOT the relationship type." it translates to "Im afraid, I don't wanna be hurt. So, im gonna push you away. Im gonna push you away as soon as I catch feelings.'' Being single is so easy, thats why we all push away from relationships...we have to want to make the commitment and that takes work. One of my guy friends today told me he was happy that I was no longer anti-relationship and happy that I was just letting nature take its place....
so here goes Jaimez and her anti-relationship stance.

Now I can’t front, I am NOT the relationship type. I always wanted to have a steady boyfriend but never wanted to deal with the work that comes with a relationship. The daily calling, checking in, being nice, meeting parents?!?!? Who would subject themselves to that? I had no doubt that when the time came I could be a great girlfriend, I just wasn’t rushing to fulfill those duties ANYtime soon.

But then the tables turned, messing with different BOYS with no plans of commitment became boring and quite aggravating. And then a tall slim fly guy strolled into my life and made an offer that I couldn’t refuse including gifts, trips, and a title. Initially I wasn’t phased by the title (I actually liked it) but once the perks of the relationship started to dwindle and the distance between us got longer, my mind began to race about what he was doing, why HE wasn’t calling, and why we had a title in the first place. You’re too far! You aren’t on the same level in life that I’m on! Its summer time! You’re going to Miami for Memorial Weekend! All of the above were excuses I tried to use to push him away but ALL of the above Failed.

Instead maybe I should have just said I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I’m too far because I didn’t come home after college. I’m not on your level because I am not willing to work for this relationship. It IS summer and I’m loving the white Polo tees, cargo shorts, and fitteds that I’m seeing in fly, clean cars next to mine. And while you were in Miami doing God knows what, I was choosing in the club in Charlotte.

It clearly wasn’t an US issue. I clearly have the issues. Should I stop thinking so logically/systematically and let fate guide me, or is my above pettiness a sign that I am just not ready? Am I wasting a good man’s time?

Maybe I just need to find the rite MR. RIGHT NOW… only time will tell…


Monday, June 7, 2010


Im finding out in life you have to make yourself happy, because your happiness is not determined by someone else but in yourself. A lot of people can contribute to your happiness but it has to be about you. When you find happiness in a man, you can not depend on this happiness. the only thing you can depend on is instability. Take time to find out who you really are, because while dating sometimes you can lose yourself trying to please others.

1. be the person that you want others to be; attract people to you who can be positive and loving
2. spend time getting to know yourself
3. don't give every person the power to change you
4. speak affirmative actions into your life
5. believe that you deserve to be happy
6. look in the mirror and smile; because someway, somehow your life is Good
7. thank God for your many blessings, thank God for your failures
8. don't be afraid to do anything
9. try to forgive people for the pain they put you through
10. bury the things that hurt you in the past, because as long as they exist in your mind they still affect you

Substitute Lover

For every time you think you are about to fall in love: always have a back up plan. I say have a back up plan because guys are so misleading. *well maybe its my guy who is misleading* The rules of the substitute lover are plain in simple. You can not love him nor sleep with him, all you can do is have him substitute for when your real boyfriend is being a jerk, ass hole and all that extra stuff. I don't believe in cheating but I do believe that sometimes you have to make yourself happy because if you don't make yourself happy no one else will.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Why lie?

I remember my mother used to say lie, liar and all variations of the word 'lie' were bad words and I always thought she was childish for saying that but now as a semi-adult I understand. I hate being lied to, i hate being mislead. As a person you want me to believe your being honest and open with me when you are only telling me 50% of the truth and the rest is being left to my imagination. 50% of the truth is 100 lies. Maybe its just me, I say exactly what I mean and
if I don't mean it you will not catch me saying it.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

so you said

yesterday I posted a blog. VENTING.
i took it down because those feelings i felt yesterday or that day, i should never give any person the power to alter my mood or change my writing. i won't write a blog cursing about a man because for every man who makes me upset, God-willing there will be another man who makes me smile.
im not usually the type to bash men, but im not the type to get played.
i guess nobody is the type to get played...but whenever it does happen to me I go back and reevaluate everything I did. but this time I can't say what I did wrong. but I can say that nobody deserves to be lied to. I can not stand a liar...why say you will, when you won't. why would you say that you can, but you WON'T. I don't understand. I guess there are alot of things I will never understand.
i won't understand boys who call themselves men
i don't understand your lies when you keep calling them truths

Fake It Till You Make It....YOU and Him

Everytime that I admit to myself that I may actually be in love, I end up getting my heart broken. So I just pretend because after all I am a great girlfriend. And acting like a great girlfriend means giving your all. I wish I could be legitmate so that every part of me is there when we're intimate. YOU have not a clue. Its a shame because you're probably my biggest fan. Always there and down for whatever doing anything possible to make things better. Its not that I don't want to let YOU in but my heart says make HIM just a friend. Time is suppose to heal all wounds I guess my hearts stored in a capsule. His departure rocked my soul, so much shit HE left untold. But look at me, a hypocrite failed to even mention YOU. Mention the fact that I still think about him or that sometimes I wish he wasn't a has been. Love is about meeting your partner half way I've been in route for quite some time now but you're already there..waiting. Why?

it matters

when your phone doesn't ring

usually, if it does not ring--it's off? right?
Nope, he just isn't calling.

1. he is not calling because he is with his real girl friend.
2. he's busy?
3. he aint shit.
4. he really may be busy.
5. he doesn't want to sweat you
6. his phone has been going straight to Vmail all day
7. but why in the hell is your phone going to voicemail, when you carry a have a car what the f!@#!. Clearly something is fishy about the situation. This is what im finding out.

I trust people to soon. To me it makes sense that I trust you from the moment I meet you until you prove me wrong but clearly guys make that shit hard to do. Im learning from guys 20 and up that they need to earn your trust, they can't just receive your trust. Because from the beginning some guys just lie. They lie about simple things...

Exhibit A. "I do have a girlfriend, but we are breaking up."
Exhibit B. "I'll be right back."
Exhibit C. "That is my bestfriend."
Exhibit D. "This is my car."
And my personal favorite... "I really like you, your the only one for me." or how about this one "Im gonna leave her as soon as you and I make it official."
Negroe Please.
I vowed that I would never mess with someone else's "boyfriend". but someone else's "boyfriend" is clearly a liar. so my question is Fellas, if you have a girlfriend why would you lie and say that you don't have a girlfriend? Is it to make me feel better, because honestly I could give a f!@# less until you got my feelings involved. So, you have a girlfriend and yet you are asking me, (Innocent ol' me) to be your girlfriend. #wheretheydothatat. I think men should have to attend some type of honesty while dating workshop. or maybe the police should give out LWD's or LWB's (Lying while dating or lying while boyfriending) because all these Negros be fibbing.

So now, my statement is- There is something wrong with me.
and my question is- What is wrong with me? lol. but im serious. im clearly attracting ASS WHOLES.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I don't know

So I just decided that I am Single...Again. I suck at being a girlfriend.

Why do girls like guys that pay them no mind and vice versa?

How do you recover from being a love-aholic?
*i am not a love-aholic...i like to use and abuse men for what they are for.....i kid.... :-)

There is this guy, he is the hottest in the streets...and thats why he can't be my guy.

If you know somebody who is on that bullsh!@ tell them to stop. It's annoying.
If you call me and I miss your probably not ignoring you.
If you call me and I miss your call constantly Negro I don't want to talk to you.
Fab said it best, "cause if you aint getting money when you call you get the beeep
she can’t pick up the phone, your broke ass should leave a message
and my guess is, if she never call well you get the message
you like whaaaat, you can’t call nobody
I’ve been trying to find you like Waldo shawty"

Ha that is dedicated to all the wack fools calling my phone* sooooo wack...