Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Are you telling the truth?

I wonder sometimes what will bring the truth out of certain people AND then I find myself wondering why do you even lie? Was the purpose of this lie to passify and or justify your actions? But trust, that everything that is done in the dark will definately come to the light. Sometimes I wonder why? Why do I do the things that I do; living my life like its just for you? I didn't mean for that to be a corny rhyme but really I want to know. I can not figure out what I am actually doing wrong but I do know that I am not doing everything the right way. But what is the point of lies? I guess to protect you, maybe to even hold you over...

You say that you love me...
are you telling the truth
You say that it's just me and you...
are you telling the truth
You say that we can conquer the world...
but i can barely conquer all of you...
are you telling the truth
You say if there is a storm, we can endure it together...
but it's storming outside
are you telling the truth
You say yes, but maybe you mean no
You said that everything would work out...
I'am still waiting
are you telling the truth
Im always waiting, but what am I waiting for?
Am I waiting for you to tell the truth???

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I want to stand on top of one of the tallest mountains and let out a monstrous-loud scream. I want to scream, not because I have anything to scream about but because it always looks so damn cool.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


now, don't get me wrong
it's not all bad
sometimes it's so good, that im waiting for it to turn bad
but when it's bad, i sit and think
i think of everything thats ever happened
and i remember what it felt like
to be in pain, and to be confused
confusion, does not work for me
i like to be in the YES and not the MAYBE
i like it when me and him are happy
because we make happy look great

Monday, July 12, 2010

I used to think that men could be faithful. I used to believe that I'd be 'practically engaged ' by now. But now, im not so sure. Men can be faithful as long as the women they are cheating on does not find out. I don't think that men understand. I don't think that I can fully understand allot of things. Especially not men, not love...none of it. I think I want to be in a relationship but just when i meet someone who i'd even like to be in a relationship with, they screw me over. I think its me. It has to be me.

He said he told her he was leaving...I don't know if I even believe him. Maybe she's tired of him barely being there. Maybe she said get your shit and get the fuck out. That's what I would have done. I hope that people don't judge me for dating this man. This man who has a girlfriend. A girlfriend with whom he lives with. This girlfriend who clearly does not make him as happy as I do.

I think I'm dumb. I'm dumb enough to believe that the same shit he did to her, he wouldn't do to me. I get so mad. I jump to conclusions. and I'm extremely insecure. I feel like I let him get the best of me. Remember how Beyonce felt while playing Etta James when she was dating Chess, that's how I feel. I wonder how men can love two women at once. Which woman is the most important? I can only love one at a time. I can like allot; but LOVE there can only be 1.

What makes a man unfaithful? Or is it in the dna of a man?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

i remember feeling like this

Butterflies in my stomach when i saw your name on the caller i.d.
wanting to talk on the phone when you just pulled off
thinking about forever
thinking about just me and you
loving your smell
loving your touch
being in love with just you
pet names
being bestfriends
falling for you
waiting by the phone
kissing you
making love
i also remember
when it started to hurt
when waiting turned into forever
when kissing was far and hardly ever
when our love making turned into a job that neither one of us cared to partake in
when you quit on us
when i stopped caring that you quit
when we fell out of love
when you stopped calling
when you became my enemy

two truths and a lie

Ok, so the object is to decide what's true and what is false

1. I miss dc
2. im in love
3. I have yet to buy anything expensive all summer

you can have it

I think im stuck in a box. this box isn't decorated or beautiful or anything but just a plain box.

Right now I want to scream. I don't like this feeling. I hate it. Im stuck and I wish I never felt like this. Not because I don't like him but because I don't know what to do. and sometimes im just unsure. Maybe its my fault, and im to needy or maybe im to spoiled. but i don't think im needy and i don't think im spoiled...i believe maybe i want to much or maybe he just doesn't want as much...maybe i want someone to belong to me and i cant have him...its like the lay-a-way of love and i keep paying on it but it still isn't mine.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Is this a love thing?

Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? and does this differ amongst women and men?

Honestly, I don't think that I could be in love with two men. I couldn't be in love with two men because one of these men would feel like they were 2nd best and if I love you, you will always be number One. The reason I ask because recently at one of the weekly girl talk sessions we discussed this and it got me to thinking...'maybe, it is possible...'

just thinking

I have to stop and catch my breath. Have you ever been afraid of something that seemed perfect but been willing and open to something that was unstable? That is me. All of that running around, got me falling. What do you do when your heart and brain are on two different pages? and when they're on different pages it is so scary...I want to follow something...I want to follow the same road that will lead me somewhere but I have no clue where the hell I want to go. Crazy. Im going crazy. That is pretty much it. I don't want to lose control.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


My heart is not connected to my brain

My heart would say it's ok, just follow me...
but my brain would say 'Jasmin stop and think about the pros and cons.'
My heart would say it's ok, give him a second chance
but my brain would say 'Jasmin, do what is best for you, don't live for what-ifs'
My heart would let you love me
but my brain would say 'Jasmin, THINK'
My heart would say be happy for right now
but my brain would say 'Jasmin, be happy forever; don't settle for the now'
My heart would fall madly in love
but my brain would say 'just relax, you have time'
My heart would be in a rush, just to be broke
my brain would allow me to ease the pain