Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Prayer for Strength

Im praying for strength..Im praying for guidance...its been so unreal to me until now....I love you...Protect me, guide me...give me strength..forgive me...give me the peace lord that only you can provide...


Prayer for Strength

O Lord,
In this time of need, strengthen me. You are my strength and my shield; You are my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. I know, Father, that Your eyes go to and fro throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts long for You. The body grows weary, but my hope is in You to renew my strength.
I do not fear, for You are with me.
I am not dismayed or overwhelmed, for You are my God. I know You will strengthen me and help me; that You will uphold me with Your righteous hand. Even as the shadows of illness cover me, I feel the comfort of Your strength, Or Lord.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Davon Rest in Peace

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

@DDGFranklin: Life Lessons from the ocean water: the waves will pull you out further before they take you back to shore


The waves pulled you out so far, that HE had to take you home --back to shore, to the big ocean in the sky...I love you. I have no memories at Howard University that you are not apart of; from the time I arrived at the Mecca you have been my brother and a great listener. Im trying so hard to get these feelings outta my heart, im trying so hard to be strong...and im almost there. I wish I could have one more margarita with you, or steak quesadilla and watch you devour the little bowl that the salsa comes in...I wish I could have one more laugh, one more hug....I wish I could have one last moment. I can only think about positive things, things that make me smile, thinks that make me sad because all I can think about is you. You and how much of a great man you are. I know that you are watching over us. As I type this im laughing because im thinking about how funny you are creeper! lol, im gonna miss you...but you aren't that far away. Im gonna miss you old man...my heart was so heavy until i prayed...i walked outside and there was sunshine and i know that it was you. i know that it was you because I said "God, why?" and I heard him chuckle....he chuckled because who am I to question God's plan. So whenever I get sad, ill think of every time you made me smile. God took you because he needed you more than we did. We can all be selfish and question his reasoning but God makes no mistakes. My eyes are low...my head is pounding..im full of questions that i cant even ask...im tired of crying but I don't know when the tears will stop...im so full of emotion...what should i say? what can i do? how can i help? i can't begin to fathom how your parents feel...your family is in my prayers... I want to walk on campus and see you with your cane in your back pocket with your ear phones in your ear...

from my heart to yours,
i love you
selfish me wants you here on earth but
the selfless me knows you deserves to be Resting in Paradise
my heart knows that when you took that last breath that God told you it was your time
one day I will understand why the good die young but right now it is not meant for me to know
watch over us...tell the Angels i said hello...tell God to forgive us just as he has forgiven you


Saturday, March 13, 2010

we belong together

Me and Partying. Me and Fun. Me and Drinks. Me and Life. I've actually realized that I am gonna ride this bitch called life until the wheels fall off. I have realized that I party probably more than I go to school. To you, there maybe something wrong with that but to me that is the life. Or should I say this is the life. I could be working but after undergrad/grad/law/med-school you will be working your WHOLE entire life!! I am very ambitious. about partying and bullshitting but getting work done along the way. I mean I want school to end so that I can work and have STUPID money but until that day im gonna party and have fun until it gets old. I think that my life is a party. You can't take life to seriously because thats when she laughs at you. We do not know what God has in store for us. So Im not gonna stress myself out, I know what I have to do and when I have to do it. And if I meet (the major statement being IF) a MAN who says I want you stay out the club, I will consider it. But that doesnt mean I will be done. I love to have fun. I never just wanna be bored.

and if your judging me thats fine. im probably gonna always be better than you

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Love this!!!

Man Laws

these are the things that I feel like all MEN should do, regardless but especially if you like her...

1. open doors
2. walk on the right side; the right side is the outside
3. if she's important to YOU, tell her she's beautiful
4. protect her
5. ask questions
6. make her feel special
7. ask for her help
8. be a gentle-MAN
9. be respectful
10. give up your seat
11. help her with her coat
12. help her down the stairs
13. give up your seat
14. ask her if she needs anything
15. tip WELL
16. carry bags
17. take her out
18. don't walk ahead of her
19. don't walk behind her; walk with her
20. listen to her; remember small things about her

Textual Abuse

This is the big bang...so unpredictable

I want to post these text messages. I promise you, that I do, but I won't. So the other night this boy who WAS my "FRIEND" went OFF via text message. I guess I am in the wrong for this situation. I guess that I prolonged the situation but I VERBALLY kept telling him that WE were just friends and nothing more. We were not friends with the option to grow, but I did say lets just go with the flow...wherever this friendship takes us than thats where we go. It was easy for me to say this BECAUSE I knew there was nowhere that he and I could go....maybe my actions were confusing because I can hang out with guys and not like them unless I like them (if that makes sense). Maybe he was confused because I said I just wanna be friends but to him it sounded like I want you to feel like WE are an US, when we have never really even been a we...I mean if I didn't like you before I definately dont like you now that you textually abused me. So i'll give a brief synopsis of his textually abusive conversation "you are stupid....you don't deserve me...you deserve all the bullshit that you get..." now if thats not abuse I don't know what the hell is. Intense. I mean this post is not to talk about him in any negative light. Because honestly, I believe that he is a good guy...actually a really great guy but im not a great girl for him. Im not a great girl for him because we just don't have IT. and to ME it is very weird for a guy to be so vocal about their disdain for me...I mean I can appreciate honesty but there is a fine line. I think that I should come with a warning like "you may like me BUT I am no good for you, unless I like you back." and again I have to admit the things that I did wrong but he has to realize that you can not make any one like you, and if you have to make someone like you then they don't deserve you. I can list 20 great qualities about him but I can also list things that guys NOT HIM should not do.

1. Never ever ask a girl about the other guy she talks to, especially if your interested in her.
a. it is very uncomfortable
b. it makes you look weak, what kinda man ask about another grown ass man
c. i think it's jealousy and/or insecurity...i mean you may say it's not... but it clearly is...why you wanna know what this man is doing
d. i need a CONFIDENT MAN...not a bitch
e. bitches ask about bitches ...point. blank. period.
f. don't ask a girl when was the last time she slept with the dude she REALLY talks to...WEAK

2. don't try and make her your girl when all she wants to be is your friend
3. don't confuse flirtatious behavior, just don't
4. don't make it awkward

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Pick Two

When it comes to dating, what are you looking for?
When it comes to relationships, what do you choose?

What is more important to you; emotional stability, good looks and/or intelligence ?
Being that society no longer believes in monogamy the reason that people cheat is because they feel like the person who they are "with" does not have all of the major qualities that they want...

I want/need emotion stability and intelligence. Good looks come a dime a dozen...Its like ranking a guy for all his positive attributes and for me good looks would not even be on my list. I mean I have to somehow be attracted to you, but as I get older im attracted to different things. Im attracted to power, loyalty, intelligence, finances and personality. When I think of a MAN...I think of someone who walks with you and not ahead of you. figuratively and literally. I think of a man who genuinely cares about what you have to say. I think a MAN is a person who can express his feelings . I respect a MAN who can command positive attention with out speaking...

Ex- Love...Current Pain

"That's why my ex, my ex and you don't wanna be him..."
Never has that statement made so much sense to me. When I start to think about all the nice guys I've turned down because they just didn't have that IT factor for me...I wonder if I have missed out on my Mr. Right Now. I mean I'm used to a different type of guy...A guy who can be vocal but is not so vocal that I am afraid to open up around him. I mean you would think it would be opposite; you think a guy who is open to you would allow you to be open with him...but it scares me. It scares me that someone could be so vocal who Ive known less than a month... but then it scares me when a guy I've been hmmmmm talking to for almost a year can barely tell me how he feels...I wonder if its me. AM I the reason? I may be the reason bec

No matter if I'm single or if I'm in a relationship I always look for someone who has some of the same characteristics as my ex. The reason why is so that I can run far away from him. My ex and I look great from the outside...we smile and laugh and we are just alike...but thats the problem; when we should have handled our issues and not try to cover them up with smiles and laughter...

As far as ex-love and current pain, the pain does not stem from him. The pain stems from the fact that I have gave up on oppurtunities to have CURRENT LOVE and ex-pain...It all seems so simple; leave the past in the past and just move on. But those words are easier said then done. I find myself looking for something different but being in similar situations. The situations are nothing but my own; I think im attracted to instability. I know that I am not ready for commitment and monogamy and I find myself dating guys who are against commitment but expect me to do all the things that girlfriends do. And to my afraid self; its all good. I am fine with playing "girlfriend" but Im not in the stage in my life where I am ready to be fully committed even though I like to play like I am sometimes.

You think you know what you want until, what you need is staring you in the eyes. EX PAIN CURRENT LOVE--one day when I stop thinking about all the negative things that can happen if I just breathe.

I apologize.

there has been no letter, no call- there has been nothing. I abandoned my baby with out a reason. There is no excuse beyond the fact that I'am a college student and it was midterm time. I apologize because just like that boy or that girl who stopped calling...I stopped writing. And I find it so true about people making time for what they want even when they have no time...
So if you are an avid reader, I sincerely apologize to you.

Forgive me,
and don't worry baby Im BACK!!!

last night I saw Jeezy, Jay-Z and Trey Songs! Let's just say I had the best night in a long time.
Live Nation was so LIVE!!
I was almost scared..I thought Jeezy wasn't coming out...but then he came out and I went CRAZY!!! When they play that new Jeezy all the dope boys go CRAZY!!! AND I went NUTS!!


Im stuck in a place and I don’t know where im going. I don’t know where im going because I have yet to ask questions..I have yet to ask what is this?? But now its to late. I have let so much time pass by without asking “what is this” that it is just to late. And personally I don’t wanna hear the wrong answer. I don’t wanna jinx what we don’t have and double jinx what we do...

Time to ask questions:

Is it possible to be mentally stimulated by someone but feel no sexual connection?

Is it possible to be physically stimulated and tempted by someone but have no mental stimulation?

Is it time to ask where do I stand? Or is it to late?

Should I ask questions that I KNOW will never be answered?

Should I put myself out there knowing there is nothing to gain?

Is it ok to not know anything?

Have you ever wanted something that you wish you didn’t want?

Ever needed something, you knew you wouldn’t get?

I guess that would be a want but must things you think you need, are things that you really want