i got caught slippin

remember in my post "Me, him and her" my last line said that I wouldn't be caught slipping...but guess what....I slipped and fell and lost my damn mind. So last night my threesome ended. As for now that shit is over like last year. Last night, these last few nights actually have defined this thing that he and I had. I keep calling it a thing because at the end of the day it was all confusion. BUT anyways back to this one-some that im in; last night he and I were supposed to meet so that I could try and resolve this situation. but according to him 'something came up, and he wasn't near a phone...' clearly this fool traveled back to 1908 and there were no cell phones, no house phones..shit there was nothing. but anyway, I was stood up. WARNING, You may judge me for what I am about to confess...but honestly I don't care...because Im telling.

So, last night I go to the Bar around the corner from my house just to sit and watch drunk people while waiting on this fool (this is around 11:20ish) im enjoying myself...of course I meet a few guys who offer to buy me drinks and just talk to me since im at the bar by my self-- but I tell them Im not lonely, Im just alone (because there is a difference). So time flies while I sit at the bar, and I check my phone and it is 12:51 when I become CRAZY...I mean it...from 12:51 to about 1:09 I send him a text message for everything that I've been wanting to say but just have not had the opportunity to say. (I literally sent about 15 text, you can judge me. I sent them because I had to get this off of my chest. I had to let him know that his shit stinks. And of course he didn't respond to my texts, so I called and I called and then this fucker picks up on the 3rd call...talking about his 'phone was in the car...come meet him' and this is when i let him have it...and all I remember ending the conversation with is "F!@# this, and you, and her. Don't call me and I won't call you."

I feel like I hate being a stalker but in this case I wasn't stalking...I was expressing myself...I was letting him know that my feelings were hurt. And the thing is now as I write this im not hurt and im not mad, I just need answers... don't leave me in the dark when its my situation...Communication is key when it comes to 'relationship things'

i got caught slippin' and i am not ashamed to admit it...we all slip sometimes but I honestly didn't think it would be me...this soon...

Textual Abuse

This is the big bang...so unpredictable

I want to post these text messages. I promise you, that I do, but I won't. So the other night this boy who WAS my "FRIEND" went OFF via text message. I guess I am in the wrong for this situation. I guess that I prolonged the situation but I VERBALLY kept telling him that WE were just friends and nothing more. We were not friends with the option to grow, but I did say lets just go with the flow...wherever this friendship takes us than thats where we go. It was easy for me to say this BECAUSE I knew there was nowhere that he and I could go....maybe my actions were confusing because I can hang out with guys and not like them unless I like them (if that makes sense). Maybe he was confused because I said I just wanna be friends but to him it sounded like I want you to feel like WE are an US, when we have never really even been a we...I mean if I didn't like you before I definately dont like you now that you textually abused me. So i'll give a brief synopsis of his textually abusive conversation "you are stupid....you don't deserve me...you deserve all the bullshit that you get..." now if thats not abuse I don't know what the hell is. Intense. I mean this post is not to talk about him in any negative light. Because honestly, I believe that he is a good guy...actually a really great guy but im not a great girl for him. Im not a great girl for him because we just don't have IT. and to ME it is very weird for a guy to be so vocal about their disdain for me...I mean I can appreciate honesty but there is a fine line. I think that I should come with a warning like "you may like me BUT I am no good for you, unless I like you back." and again I have to admit the things that I did wrong but he has to realize that you can not make any one like you, and if you have to make someone like you then they don't deserve you. I can list 20 great qualities about him but I can also list things that guys NOT HIM should not do.

1. Never ever ask a girl about the other guy she talks to, especially if your interested in her.

a. it is very uncomfortable

b. it makes you look weak, what kinda man ask about another grown ass man

c. i think it's jealousy and/or insecurity...i mean you may say it's not... but it clearly is...why you wanna know what this man is doing

d. i need a CONFIDENT MAN...not a bitch

e. bitches ask about bitches ...point. blank. period.

f. don't ask a girl when was the last time she slept with the dude she REALLY talks to...WEAK

2. don't try and make her your girl when all she wants to be is your friend

3. don't confuse flirtatious behavior, just don't

4. don't make it awkward

if not me, than her?

I often quote one of my favorite people and say "if not me, than who?" But now I have to wonder, if not me, than will it be her? As a woman, Im always wondering if I say no, than will another girl say yes...I think the answer to the question is DUH. For every time you say no there will be some uber thirsty girl who will say YES. When is it a problem? I think it becomes a problem when you are no longer even asked or given the option to say NO. What happens when you began to think you no longer will be asked questions that will make you say NO or YES. Honestly, I want to know what this means to a guy... We are together everyday. We talk on the phone...(not text but actually talk)...I was gonna say more but what's the point...when a girl spends everyday with a guy and he SHOWs her more than enough attention it means something to a girl...I don't know what it means to a BOY but it means alot to a female. Im with you everyday, how am I not suppose to catch feelings? how am I not gonna feel a certain way when I have not talked to you in days...in hours... but a BOY on the other hand can spend this entire week with you and it means nothing to him once you leave....he is #ontothenextone...but you--as a woman are pondering over everything you said...did I say this wrong? did i answer that question wrong? did I do to much? What you did was care...what you did was stay the whole week with him...what you did was make him believe you were to into it/him/all that jazz about him...Even though im not a man and I don't know what they think, I think I know certain things about them.. because this is when you start to ask questions like...her? over me? After you spent a consistent week with him and you didn't get the next week...your wondering...is she there? whoever she may be...you keep questioning whether or not its your fault that you didn't get the call back...you didn't get the call back because you deserve better...you don't deserve to question whether or not this man/boy will call you back...