Friday, June 11, 2010

Is it you? Or is it JUST me?

My linesister Jaime wrote this and I thought it was really great...I know Jaimez and I know how she tries to make her self unavailable so to read her justifications I thought it was funny. Sometimes we justify things to make life easier for ourselves. We push people away because we are afraid of being hurt...I think thats the major thing for women and guys we are all so afraid of being hurt by love that we make excuses as for why we don't want to be monogamous. To me when people say "I am NOT the relationship type." it translates to "Im afraid, I don't wanna be hurt. So, im gonna push you away. Im gonna push you away as soon as I catch feelings.'' Being single is so easy, thats why we all push away from relationships...we have to want to make the commitment and that takes work. One of my guy friends today told me he was happy that I was no longer anti-relationship and happy that I was just letting nature take its place....
so here goes Jaimez and her anti-relationship stance.

Now I can’t front, I am NOT the relationship type. I always wanted to have a steady boyfriend but never wanted to deal with the work that comes with a relationship. The daily calling, checking in, being nice, meeting parents?!?!? Who would subject themselves to that? I had no doubt that when the time came I could be a great girlfriend, I just wasn’t rushing to fulfill those duties ANYtime soon.

But then the tables turned, messing with different BOYS with no plans of commitment became boring and quite aggravating. And then a tall slim fly guy strolled into my life and made an offer that I couldn’t refuse including gifts, trips, and a title. Initially I wasn’t phased by the title (I actually liked it) but once the perks of the relationship started to dwindle and the distance between us got longer, my mind began to race about what he was doing, why HE wasn’t calling, and why we had a title in the first place. You’re too far! You aren’t on the same level in life that I’m on! Its summer time! You’re going to Miami for Memorial Weekend! All of the above were excuses I tried to use to push him away but ALL of the above Failed.

Instead maybe I should have just said I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I’m too far because I didn’t come home after college. I’m not on your level because I am not willing to work for this relationship. It IS summer and I’m loving the white Polo tees, cargo shorts, and fitteds that I’m seeing in fly, clean cars next to mine. And while you were in Miami doing God knows what, I was choosing in the club in Charlotte.

It clearly wasn’t an US issue. I clearly have the issues. Should I stop thinking so logically/systematically and let fate guide me, or is my above pettiness a sign that I am just not ready? Am I wasting a good man’s time?

Maybe I just need to find the rite MR. RIGHT NOW… only time will tell…