Ex- Love...Current Pain

"That's why my ex, my ex and you don't wanna be him..."

Never has that statement made so much sense to me. When I start to think about all the nice guys I've turned down because they just didn't have that IT factor for me...I wonder if I have missed out on my Mr. Right Now. I mean I'm used to a different type of guy...A guy who can be vocal but is not so vocal that I am afraid to open up around him. I mean you would think it would be opposite; you think a guy who is open to you would allow you to be open with him...but it scares me. It scares me that someone could be so vocal who Ive known less than a month... but then it scares me when a guy I've been hmmmmm talking to for almost a year can barely tell me how he feels...I wonder if its me. AM I the reason? I may be the reason bec

No matter if I'm single or if I'm in a relationship I always look for someone who has some of the same characteristics as my ex. The reason why is so that I can run far away from him. My ex and I look great from the outside...we smile and laugh and we are just alike...but thats the problem; when we should have handled our issues and not try to cover them up with smiles and laughter...

As far as ex-love and current pain, the pain does not stem from him. The pain stems from the fact that I have gave up on oppurtunities to have CURRENT LOVE and ex-pain...It all seems so simple; leave the past in the past and just move on. But those words are easier said then done. I find myself looking for something different but being in similar situations. The situations are nothing but my own; I think im attracted to instability. I know that I am not ready for commitment and monogamy and I find myself dating guys who are against commitment but expect me to do all the things that girlfriends do. And to my afraid self; its all good. I am fine with playing "girlfriend" but Im not in the stage in my life where I am ready to be fully committed even though I like to play like I am sometimes.

You think you know what you want until, what you need is staring you in the eyes. EX PAIN CURRENT LOVE--one day when I stop thinking about all the negative things that can happen if I just breathe.

I apologize.

there has been no letter, no call- there has been nothing. I abandoned my baby with out a reason. There is no excuse beyond the fact that I'am a college student and it was midterm time. I apologize because just like that boy or that girl who stopped calling...I stopped writing. And I find it so true about people making time for what they want even when they have no time...

So if you are an avid reader, I sincerely apologize to you.

Forgive me,

and don't worry baby Im BACK!!!

ppssss...

last night I saw Jeezy, Jay-Z and Trey Songs! Let's just say I had the best night in a long time.

Live Nation was so LIVE!!

I was almost scared..I thought Jeezy wasn't coming out...but then he came out and I went CRAZY!!! When they play that new Jeezy all the dope boys go CRAZY!!! AND I went NUTS!!

questions

Im stuck in a place and I don’t know where im going. I don’t know where im going because I have yet to ask questions..I have yet to ask what is this?? But now its to late. I have let so much time pass by without asking “what is this” that it is just to late. And personally I don’t wanna hear the wrong answer. I don’t wanna jinx what we don’t have and double jinx what we do...

Time to ask questions:

Is it possible to be mentally stimulated by someone but feel no sexual connection?

Is it possible to be physically stimulated and tempted by someone but have no mental stimulation?

Is it time to ask where do I stand? Or is it to late?

Should I ask questions that I KNOW will never be answered?

Should I put myself out there knowing there is nothing to gain?

Is it ok to not know anything?

Have you ever wanted something that you wish you didn’t want?

Ever needed something, you knew you wouldn’t get?

I guess that would be a want but must things you think you need, are things that you really want