Friday, May 31, 2013
whoa is me
23. Masters Degree. Wine at 12pm. This sounds like fun, relaxation? No this is depression. I have never been a person to say im depressed or i have never seen the glass at half empty but right now i think my glass is completely empty. Im drowning and i feel like giving up...or maybe I already gave up. I do not know. I moved to Atlanta April 9th and I thought I was doing the right thing, but since I've been here it is like i have been on a complete downward spiral. I moved here with all good intentions you know, I'd find a job, a man or a man then a job. I'd be happy. Im not happy. Im not sad. Maybe, I need a psychic or as a christian im supposed to say a prayer. But i think God is tired of me or maybe im not praying right. im drowning and there is no one to save me. I'm so desperate for a miracle that im drinking wine at 12pm. I think Jesus broke up with me. There are strippers who have their life together more than me. I am drowning in debt. And depression is seeping into my soul. How many times can i say im not happy. im sure i have reached my limit of complaints. i just wanna be able to pay my bills. on time. i just want to be happy. i just want to be debt free. why is it so hard. what was the point of me going to college? it was a crutch in adult hood. they said go to college so youll find a good job, go to graduate school so you can get more money...brahahahahahahahahaha just a fuc!!!!! joke. these degrees dont mean anything. when i have a child, he or she will be a disney star. stars are the only recognition to success. all of the congrats and well wishes dont mean shit when i cant pay my bills. i was just happy and then i got stuck right back in depression...maybe i shouldve stayed in detroit, got pregnant and then my blessings would have come. maybe i shouldve never went to college and then been a stripper and i would be ok.