Tell me another lie

One of my favorite songs by NeYo is "Tell me another lie" in this song NeYo talks about knowing his partner is cheating on him but he would rather her continue and lie to him. In relationships I find myself being passive but in my "real'' life I am more aggressive. There are always things that I know but I would rather not discuss; sometimes there serves no purpose to discuss an issue and create a bigger problem when you are not planning on walking away for good. I think womens' intuition is 92% right. Every time; well most of the time when I've thought something was wrong it was. The reason I don't discuss or bring up every issue is because I don't want to fight. I want to believe everything you tell me; I feel as if I should believe everything you say. 
I also believe that allowing people to continue to lie to you will cause you to finally leave over something small and minute. 

So do you believe that it is ok to let someone continue lying because you would rather not be hurt? Sometimes lies just sound better than the truth. Or what about those guys who make you think they have been telling the truth but really they have been telling you the opposite of the truth? 

"I just wanna be NUMB
I don't wanna feel a thing
I don't want reality
Actually, reality stinks" 

Those are lyrics from NeYo's song "Lie to me"

Reality does suck sometimes. I hope I don't ever become the girl who thinks that everything a man says to me is a lie. I'd rather believe that everything he says is the truth. I'd rather everything just be the truth. I'd rather not have to question whether this may be true and this may not be true. I don't ever want to get to the point when my reality sucks and my dreams are better. I'd rather my reality be so great, that I dread dreaming. But, maybe Im the only one who has been in relationships where sometimes you'd just rather hear a lie. Maybe, you are the one who is telling the lie and that man is believing you. Thats cool. But, im all for honesty and loyalty. 

Although, Im only 20 sometimes I think about what it would be like to be with one man for the rest of my life and start a family. I could be with one man. If we had God, stable careers (well he had a stable career), stable finances...I could do it. but I guess this is another post... 

ttfn...

i remember feeling like this

Butterflies in my stomach when i saw your name on the caller i.d.

wanting to talk on the phone when you just pulled off

thinking about forever

thinking about just me and you

loving your smell

loving your touch

being in love with just you

pet names

being bestfriends

falling for you

waiting by the phone

kissing you

making love

i also remember

when it started to hurt

when waiting turned into forever

when kissing was far and hardly ever

when our love making turned into a job that neither one of us cared to partake in

when you quit on us

when i stopped caring that you quit

when we fell out of love

when you stopped calling

when you became my enemy

you can have it

I think im stuck in a box. this box isn't decorated or beautiful or anything but just a plain box.

Right now I want to scream. I don't like this feeling. I hate it. Im stuck and I wish I never felt like this. Not because I don't like him but because I don't know what to do. and sometimes im just unsure. Maybe its my fault, and im to needy or maybe im to spoiled. but i don't think im needy and i don't think im spoiled...i believe maybe i want to much or maybe he just doesn't want as much...maybe i want someone to belong to me and i cant have him...its like the lay-a-way of love and i keep paying on it but it still isn't mine.

i got caught slippin

remember in my post "Me, him and her" my last line said that I wouldn't be caught slipping...but guess what....I slipped and fell and lost my damn mind. So last night my threesome ended. As for now that shit is over like last year. Last night, these last few nights actually have defined this thing that he and I had. I keep calling it a thing because at the end of the day it was all confusion. BUT anyways back to this one-some that im in; last night he and I were supposed to meet so that I could try and resolve this situation. but according to him 'something came up, and he wasn't near a phone...' clearly this fool traveled back to 1908 and there were no cell phones, no house phones..shit there was nothing. but anyway, I was stood up. WARNING, You may judge me for what I am about to confess...but honestly I don't care...because Im telling.

So, last night I go to the Bar around the corner from my house just to sit and watch drunk people while waiting on this fool (this is around 11:20ish) im enjoying myself...of course I meet a few guys who offer to buy me drinks and just talk to me since im at the bar by my self-- but I tell them Im not lonely, Im just alone (because there is a difference). So time flies while I sit at the bar, and I check my phone and it is 12:51 when I become CRAZY...I mean it...from 12:51 to about 1:09 I send him a text message for everything that I've been wanting to say but just have not had the opportunity to say. (I literally sent about 15 text, you can judge me. I sent them because I had to get this off of my chest. I had to let him know that his shit stinks. And of course he didn't respond to my texts, so I called and I called and then this fucker picks up on the 3rd call...talking about his 'phone was in the car...come meet him' and this is when i let him have it...and all I remember ending the conversation with is "F!@# this, and you, and her. Don't call me and I won't call you."

I feel like I hate being a stalker but in this case I wasn't stalking...I was expressing myself...I was letting him know that my feelings were hurt. And the thing is now as I write this im not hurt and im not mad, I just need answers... don't leave me in the dark when its my situation...Communication is key when it comes to 'relationship things'

i got caught slippin' and i am not ashamed to admit it...we all slip sometimes but I honestly didn't think it would be me...this soon...

Me, him and her.

I never said I was interested in a three-some but I find myself in one right now. Me, him and her. When we met, I knew about her and I knew what he told me about her. I knew how he hated going home and how he said that he had to be stupid drunk to just be around her...The situation was a lot so I said ‘we can only be friends...’ but somewhere down the line just like we exchanged phone numbers, we exchanged feelings. He said they were over, but again the situation was still very sticky. Once we exchanged these feelings I forgot about her butsubconsciously I knew it was ME, HIM and HER. I knew it was her, when randomly he’d disappear or she’d call and the mood was altered. So the relationship between him and I changed and I find myself questioning his intentions. I knew about her not by name or anything but she is very much apart of this thing that he and I have. What are you supposed to do when your in a situation like this...and why do these ‘situations’ keep happening to me? And what are you supposed to do when feelings are involved? When we are together everyday, when he calls-my heart smiles, when I leave him- i miss him, when I see him- I have to kiss him...who’s fault is this? Recently, I’ve been wondering should I be ‘dating’ other people.We had ‘THE’ conversation and it was made clear that he didn’t expect me to date anyone but him. I didn’t say this to him but in the back of my mind im thinking...me and him. him and her. me, him and her. so am i only allowed to date him, and he can date me and her...huh? according to him, they are not dating...should I stop before it goes any further? I just smirked because im probably not going anywhere, but just don’t think i’ll be caught slipping.

Is it you? Or is it JUST me?

My linesister Jaime wrote this and I thought it was really great...I know Jaimez and I know how she tries to make her self unavailable so to read her justifications I thought it was funny. Sometimes we justify things to make life easier for ourselves. We push people away because we are afraid of being hurt...I think thats the major thing for women and guys we are all so afraid of being hurt by love that we make excuses as for why we don't want to be monogamous. To me when people say "I am NOT the relationship type." it translates to "Im afraid, I don't wanna be hurt. So, im gonna push you away. Im gonna push you away as soon as I catch feelings.'' Being single is so easy, thats why we all push away from relationships...we have to want to make the commitment and that takes work. One of my guy friends today told me he was happy that I was no longer anti-relationship and happy that I was just letting nature take its place....

so here goes Jaimez and her anti-relationship stance.

Now I can’t front, I am NOT the relationship type. I always wanted to have a steady boyfriend but never wanted to deal with the work that comes with a relationship. The daily calling, checking in, being nice, meeting parents?!?!? Who would subject themselves to that? I had no doubt that when the time came I could be a great girlfriend, I just wasn’t rushing to fulfill those duties ANYtime soon.

But then the tables turned, messing with different BOYS with no plans of commitment became boring and quite aggravating. And then a tall slim fly guy strolled into my life and made an offer that I couldn’t refuse including gifts, trips, and a title. Initially I wasn’t phased by the title (I actually liked it) but once the perks of the relationship started to dwindle and the distance between us got longer, my mind began to race about what he was doing, why HE wasn’t calling, and why we had a title in the first place. You’re too far! You aren’t on the same level in life that I’m on! Its summer time! You’re going to Miami for Memorial Weekend! All of the above were excuses I tried to use to push him away but ALL of the above Failed.

Instead maybe I should have just said I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I’m too far because I didn’t come home after college. I’m not on your level because I am not willing to work for this relationship. It IS summer and I’m loving the white Polo tees, cargo shorts, and fitteds that I’m seeing in fly, clean cars next to mine. And while you were in Miami doing God knows what, I was choosing in the club in Charlotte.

It clearly wasn’t an US issue. I clearly have the issues. Should I stop thinking so logically/systematically and let fate guide me, or is my above pettiness a sign that I am just not ready? Am I wasting a good man’s time?

Maybe I just need to find the rite MR. RIGHT NOW… only time will tell…

Jaimez

Single me...

i've been single. im currently in a relationship. i don't know how i like it, when your single you move on your own drum, when your in a relationship you move as a unit. Units? Me? I move as a single force; i like it that way. I like it, but im wondering "did my ex screw me over so bad, that i'd rather just be alone?" but wait--back to this relationship thing, how does this work again? Is the single Jasmin anti-relationship? or is the single Jasmin just not ready for the relationship Jasmin.

question existing?

@Wale #Question ...do yall think that every relationship has oneperson who is dating sum1 out of their league & 1 person who is settling?

Now I think that is a great question something that im always thinking it may even be the reason why I am NOT in a relationship now. Wale said that he agrees with his statement and I do too. I don't think we should have to settle but I know that we all do. We settle for the one who handles all of our bullshit instead of changing for the one who may really deserve. Recently, I have noticed that women are SETTLING and dating men who they think have potential rather than men who are equally as successful as them. With a majority of our black men in jail, gay and just not in college what am I suppose to do as a Black Woman should I date outside my race? The world should teach you to be a woman that does not have to settle...but it should also teach you to not be afraid to step outside your comfort zone....by 26 if im not in a committed relationship with A BLACK MAN, I will no longer rely on black men as my only option. but, who's outta your league? the ex-con? the dr? the athlete? the musician? or as a STRONG successful black woman are you out of the league for all these men pursuing you? maybe its not really settling, it may just be stepping out the box.

Textual Abuse

This is the big bang...so unpredictable

I want to post these text messages. I promise you, that I do, but I won't. So the other night this boy who WAS my "FRIEND" went OFF via text message. I guess I am in the wrong for this situation. I guess that I prolonged the situation but I VERBALLY kept telling him that WE were just friends and nothing more. We were not friends with the option to grow, but I did say lets just go with the flow...wherever this friendship takes us than thats where we go. It was easy for me to say this BECAUSE I knew there was nowhere that he and I could go....maybe my actions were confusing because I can hang out with guys and not like them unless I like them (if that makes sense). Maybe he was confused because I said I just wanna be friends but to him it sounded like I want you to feel like WE are an US, when we have never really even been a we...I mean if I didn't like you before I definately dont like you now that you textually abused me. So i'll give a brief synopsis of his textually abusive conversation "you are stupid....you don't deserve me...you deserve all the bullshit that you get..." now if thats not abuse I don't know what the hell is. Intense. I mean this post is not to talk about him in any negative light. Because honestly, I believe that he is a good guy...actually a really great guy but im not a great girl for him. Im not a great girl for him because we just don't have IT. and to ME it is very weird for a guy to be so vocal about their disdain for me...I mean I can appreciate honesty but there is a fine line. I think that I should come with a warning like "you may like me BUT I am no good for you, unless I like you back." and again I have to admit the things that I did wrong but he has to realize that you can not make any one like you, and if you have to make someone like you then they don't deserve you. I can list 20 great qualities about him but I can also list things that guys NOT HIM should not do.

1. Never ever ask a girl about the other guy she talks to, especially if your interested in her.

a. it is very uncomfortable

b. it makes you look weak, what kinda man ask about another grown ass man

c. i think it's jealousy and/or insecurity...i mean you may say it's not... but it clearly is...why you wanna know what this man is doing

d. i need a CONFIDENT MAN...not a bitch

e. bitches ask about bitches ...point. blank. period.

f. don't ask a girl when was the last time she slept with the dude she REALLY talks to...WEAK

2. don't try and make her your girl when all she wants to be is your friend

3. don't confuse flirtatious behavior, just don't

4. don't make it awkward

Date Text

Having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night is a very old human need. ~Margaret Mead

So today, I get a text... It reads 'how would u feel if i told u i was tryna take u out this wknd' well honestly I'm hype. I don't think any one has asked me on a date in a long time... The problem I have with this is that I was so hype to get asked on a date by a nice guy who actually told me I was going to go out with him via text. And get this when I told him I'd go because I haven't been asked out on a date in forever he said 'that's odd, you are beautiful. Somebody gotta be askin you out' why do guys always say that? Clearly if I said no one has asked me out- they haven't asked me out. I know in this new day and age texting is the same as calling but I want a call. Now I'm still hype that he asked and I'm thinking about going because I like him as a person. The issue is not with him, the issue is with my generation. Why are there so many means of communication? And forget that if I go on this date how am I going to act? Lol, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna go out to eat? Movies? Museum? I don't know, like im utterly confused....lol..Because I don't do dates at "the crib"...Make me feel special...it does not have to be expensive impress me...I won't congratulate a man for doing what he is supposed to do... for example: opening doors, pulling out chairs, complimenting, and definitely paying. I say definitely in the most non-gold-digger way, a MAN should want to feel like a man and take a woman out. Well at least thats what my daddy says...

Miss Understood

Just Checking-

Song for this post: Mariah Carey- Betcha gon know

So we spend everyday together and here comes the lies--"I love you and i wanna take this to the next level". As my Lili would say "Do youuuuuuu?" I don't understand why men, boys (because they are all one in the same) feel like they have to lie in order to get what they want, if they already have it? I don't think that i will ever understand men. I mean you say one thing and you do the complete opposite so i am going to give you ladies a little opposite day translation...More to come...im waiting on my Co-blogger Lo. Lo is on the beach chilling right now, im in dark room pretending that I am there with her!

1.I miss you- Whenever a guy says this to me 70 percent of me believes that he may actually miss me, but the other 30 percent of me is thinking what do you really want? I just met you last FRIDAY. How in the hell do you miss me? You miss the way i look, you miss the way it looked like i cared what you had to say? WTF...Is it game or did you have nothing else to say? Do i look 14 and like I would actually care that you are trying to say sweet nothings to me.

2. Talk to you later- If I- Jasmin say that I will talk to you later, you are definately going to hear from me later. Shit, it may be 1 hour later, 20 minutes later but your gonna hear from me. Guys on the other hand will have your ass waiting around on later- tomorrow later, next week later maybe even never later. Later is not that ambiguous unless your a man...lol...

3. Maybe this one should have came before Love, but I dont want to switch them. I LIKE you. This means first I want to F@#$ you and then maybe I will like you and if I dont like you im #ontothenextone. Again this is not for every guy but for the most part I believe this is true. I have two older brothers and two male best friends, And I have heard them say stuff like that.


This is my first post, I hope 20 people read it and love it. I always have so much to say so I decided that I would write about it. I am excited for this journey hope you all are ready for the ride...


Young Forever,

Miss Understood