Love is a Motherf@#$!

That's in my Diddy-Dirty Money voice

Yesterday, I fell in love
don't know why I gave my heart
if i had the chance to do it all over again

i would do it just like this.

you can't tell I f@#$ with you, i needed you

hold you, kiss you, miss you
need you, just like this

breathe you

couldn't get rid of you
give my all, you take it from me

touch you

just like this--> you like when I touch you like this
you need me to love you, you know
it feels good to hold me, you know


just like this

you

i knew you were lying, i wanted to believe you
believe in the 'you' that i want to believe in
i guess old habits don't die fast
i can't make a old man be a new man
i guess it doesn't make sense to fight if i don't plan on leaving you
why can't i leave you
leave you out cold, because i know your lying
your lies almost sounded believable
believable because i couldn't not believe you
you got caught, couldn't deal
i dealt, but i knew you were lying
i wanted to believe you

backlashes of a LDR

This is getting out of hand. I miss him entirely to much. I knew that I should have not done this but I did. Willingly. Crazy, who just falls in love and decides that a long distance relationship can work. I guess someone with faith, someone with enough love that it will all work out. It is still to much. I just want to wake up and your there. Text and you respond, call and you answer. I think all of that may be to much to ask for. I guess everything can't be perfect.

you can have it

I think im stuck in a box. this box isn't decorated or beautiful or anything but just a plain box.

Right now I want to scream. I don't like this feeling. I hate it. Im stuck and I wish I never felt like this. Not because I don't like him but because I don't know what to do. and sometimes im just unsure. Maybe its my fault, and im to needy or maybe im to spoiled. but i don't think im needy and i don't think im spoiled...i believe maybe i want to much or maybe he just doesn't want as much...maybe i want someone to belong to me and i cant have him...its like the lay-a-way of love and i keep paying on it but it still isn't mine.

Is it you? Or is it JUST me?

My linesister Jaime wrote this and I thought it was really great...I know Jaimez and I know how she tries to make her self unavailable so to read her justifications I thought it was funny. Sometimes we justify things to make life easier for ourselves. We push people away because we are afraid of being hurt...I think thats the major thing for women and guys we are all so afraid of being hurt by love that we make excuses as for why we don't want to be monogamous. To me when people say "I am NOT the relationship type." it translates to "Im afraid, I don't wanna be hurt. So, im gonna push you away. Im gonna push you away as soon as I catch feelings.'' Being single is so easy, thats why we all push away from relationships...we have to want to make the commitment and that takes work. One of my guy friends today told me he was happy that I was no longer anti-relationship and happy that I was just letting nature take its place....

so here goes Jaimez and her anti-relationship stance.

Now I can’t front, I am NOT the relationship type. I always wanted to have a steady boyfriend but never wanted to deal with the work that comes with a relationship. The daily calling, checking in, being nice, meeting parents?!?!? Who would subject themselves to that? I had no doubt that when the time came I could be a great girlfriend, I just wasn’t rushing to fulfill those duties ANYtime soon.

But then the tables turned, messing with different BOYS with no plans of commitment became boring and quite aggravating. And then a tall slim fly guy strolled into my life and made an offer that I couldn’t refuse including gifts, trips, and a title. Initially I wasn’t phased by the title (I actually liked it) but once the perks of the relationship started to dwindle and the distance between us got longer, my mind began to race about what he was doing, why HE wasn’t calling, and why we had a title in the first place. You’re too far! You aren’t on the same level in life that I’m on! Its summer time! You’re going to Miami for Memorial Weekend! All of the above were excuses I tried to use to push him away but ALL of the above Failed.

Instead maybe I should have just said I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I’m too far because I didn’t come home after college. I’m not on your level because I am not willing to work for this relationship. It IS summer and I’m loving the white Polo tees, cargo shorts, and fitteds that I’m seeing in fly, clean cars next to mine. And while you were in Miami doing God knows what, I was choosing in the club in Charlotte.

It clearly wasn’t an US issue. I clearly have the issues. Should I stop thinking so logically/systematically and let fate guide me, or is my above pettiness a sign that I am just not ready? Am I wasting a good man’s time?

Maybe I just need to find the rite MR. RIGHT NOW… only time will tell…

Jaimez

Why lie?

I remember my mother used to say lie, liar and all variations of the word 'lie' were bad words and I always thought she was childish for saying that but now as a semi-adult I understand. I hate being lied to, i hate being mislead. As a person you want me to believe your being honest and open with me when you are only telling me 50% of the truth and the rest is being left to my imagination. 50% of the truth is 100 lies. Maybe its just me, I say exactly what I mean and

if I don't mean it you will not catch me saying it.

do you believe in Love?

Is Love that thing that makes your heart go pitter patter? or is it that thing that makes you go crazy after you see your ex in the club with his new boo? For me its that feeling of going from 1 to 100 in 20 seconds...its that feeling that makes me smile when someone mentions your name....but it is also that feeling, that has you sitting by the phone-waiting for him/her to call...it's the thought "maybe I have no service" but your phone rings and its just not him...

maybe everybody has a different type of love...some Love is demanding, some love takes time, some love teaches and some love takes but what kind of love are you offering? I think my love is submissive. I want my man to feel like a man...but the man who loves me has to be a MAN (age means nothing) but by a man---i just mean, Confident, Intelligent, Strong, Demanding, Aggressive he has to say the right things at the right time...he has to treat me like its just ME...Not all the time but enough that I don't notice that he doesn't.

but my question remains, do YOU believe in Love? So, if you do what kind of Love do you give and what kind of Love do you want to receive in return? i want to give you non-stop love when I love you. Im waiting for the day when I fall in Love again...because this time I won't Love like last time because it was too much, wayyyy tooo MUCCCCHHHHH...