Long Distance Relationships; Friend or Foe?

Long Distance Relationships. Is it the perfect relationship because you all are not pressuring one another, all in each others face? Or does it lack authenticity when you need that touch and you can't get it? Should there be rules? What kind of rules? How do you make it work?

In situations in which you are not dating anyone else; not because you can't, but just because you don't want to. I would rather be with one man who makes me happy 96% of the time than to mess around. Now if he's messing around; thats another story. Not saying that its ok for a man to be involved with another woman when he claims to be in a relationship; but men will be men. I don't agree with cheating. I agree with monogamy; I believe in it. I believe that it can work. I feel as if it all can work.

In a Long Distance Relationship you need Trust, Independence, Commitment and a Schedule.

Commitment goes without saying; we clearly are trying to make this work so lets decide if were committed apart or just committed together. Because there is a difference. Trust; you have to have trust because without it your relationship will not stand the test. As a woman, I have to not let my insecurities get the best of me. I have to believe that when he says' 'I'll call you right back' that he is not calling someone else. I have to believe it because if I don't; I will drive myself wild. Independence. Im learning this one slowly. You have to still enjoy yourself; if you don't you will be miserable thinking that you have to sit in the bed waiting on him to call. Have fun, but not to much. Schedule. Make time for one another. Speak frequently. Text, sext...lol. Send pictures (no face).

So my question is; are long distance relationships your friend or your foe?

The Pros to Long Distance Relationships

1. Whenever he sees you, you are on point.

2. It is always intense; sex is intense; kissing is intense; looks are intense....everything is intense

3. You realize if its for you- by this I mean you realize if you can handle it and is it worth it

The Cons

1. Arguments; in LDR's one argument can change everything.

2. Schedule conflicts; one of the hardest things to me has been not being able to speak with him when I want to. Him not being available when I need him, or shall I say want.

3. Miscommunications; One of the hardest things that your relationship will encounter will be miscommunications...if thats the right phrase. One wrong moment, one wrong anything can change everything.

Every relationship is different. Every man is different from every woman but we all have some commonalities. We all love-love. We all love to be loved. In a LDR, you have to make sure that you all are doing everything it takes to make one another feel that way. I will not say he is perfect because trust me he is not. but there is nothing about him I'd change...well maybe a few...

i got caught slippin

remember in my post "Me, him and her" my last line said that I wouldn't be caught slipping...but guess what....I slipped and fell and lost my damn mind. So last night my threesome ended. As for now that shit is over like last year. Last night, these last few nights actually have defined this thing that he and I had. I keep calling it a thing because at the end of the day it was all confusion. BUT anyways back to this one-some that im in; last night he and I were supposed to meet so that I could try and resolve this situation. but according to him 'something came up, and he wasn't near a phone...' clearly this fool traveled back to 1908 and there were no cell phones, no house phones..shit there was nothing. but anyway, I was stood up. WARNING, You may judge me for what I am about to confess...but honestly I don't care...because Im telling.

So, last night I go to the Bar around the corner from my house just to sit and watch drunk people while waiting on this fool (this is around 11:20ish) im enjoying myself...of course I meet a few guys who offer to buy me drinks and just talk to me since im at the bar by my self-- but I tell them Im not lonely, Im just alone (because there is a difference). So time flies while I sit at the bar, and I check my phone and it is 12:51 when I become CRAZY...I mean it...from 12:51 to about 1:09 I send him a text message for everything that I've been wanting to say but just have not had the opportunity to say. (I literally sent about 15 text, you can judge me. I sent them because I had to get this off of my chest. I had to let him know that his shit stinks. And of course he didn't respond to my texts, so I called and I called and then this fucker picks up on the 3rd call...talking about his 'phone was in the car...come meet him' and this is when i let him have it...and all I remember ending the conversation with is "F!@# this, and you, and her. Don't call me and I won't call you."

I feel like I hate being a stalker but in this case I wasn't stalking...I was expressing myself...I was letting him know that my feelings were hurt. And the thing is now as I write this im not hurt and im not mad, I just need answers... don't leave me in the dark when its my situation...Communication is key when it comes to 'relationship things'

i got caught slippin' and i am not ashamed to admit it...we all slip sometimes but I honestly didn't think it would be me...this soon...

Me, him and her.

I never said I was interested in a three-some but I find myself in one right now. Me, him and her. When we met, I knew about her and I knew what he told me about her. I knew how he hated going home and how he said that he had to be stupid drunk to just be around her...The situation was a lot so I said ‘we can only be friends...’ but somewhere down the line just like we exchanged phone numbers, we exchanged feelings. He said they were over, but again the situation was still very sticky. Once we exchanged these feelings I forgot about her butsubconsciously I knew it was ME, HIM and HER. I knew it was her, when randomly he’d disappear or she’d call and the mood was altered. So the relationship between him and I changed and I find myself questioning his intentions. I knew about her not by name or anything but she is very much apart of this thing that he and I have. What are you supposed to do when your in a situation like this...and why do these ‘situations’ keep happening to me? And what are you supposed to do when feelings are involved? When we are together everyday, when he calls-my heart smiles, when I leave him- i miss him, when I see him- I have to kiss him...who’s fault is this? Recently, I’ve been wondering should I be ‘dating’ other people.We had ‘THE’ conversation and it was made clear that he didn’t expect me to date anyone but him. I didn’t say this to him but in the back of my mind im thinking...me and him. him and her. me, him and her. so am i only allowed to date him, and he can date me and her...huh? according to him, they are not dating...should I stop before it goes any further? I just smirked because im probably not going anywhere, but just don’t think i’ll be caught slipping.

so you said

yesterday I posted a blog. VENTING.

i took it down because those feelings i felt yesterday or that day, i should never give any person the power to alter my mood or change my writing. i won't write a blog cursing about a man because for every man who makes me upset, God-willing there will be another man who makes me smile.

im not usually the type to bash men, but im not the type to get played.

i guess nobody is the type to get played...but whenever it does happen to me I go back and reevaluate everything I did. but this time I can't say what I did wrong. but I can say that nobody deserves to be lied to. I can not stand a liar...why say you will, when you won't. why would you say that you can, but you WON'T. I don't understand. I guess there are alot of things I will never understand.

i won't understand boys who call themselves men

i don't understand your lies when you keep calling them truths

Single me...

i've been single. im currently in a relationship. i don't know how i like it, when your single you move on your own drum, when your in a relationship you move as a unit. Units? Me? I move as a single force; i like it that way. I like it, but im wondering "did my ex screw me over so bad, that i'd rather just be alone?" but wait--back to this relationship thing, how does this work again? Is the single Jasmin anti-relationship? or is the single Jasmin just not ready for the relationship Jasmin.

Textual Abuse

This is the big bang...so unpredictable

I want to post these text messages. I promise you, that I do, but I won't. So the other night this boy who WAS my "FRIEND" went OFF via text message. I guess I am in the wrong for this situation. I guess that I prolonged the situation but I VERBALLY kept telling him that WE were just friends and nothing more. We were not friends with the option to grow, but I did say lets just go with the flow...wherever this friendship takes us than thats where we go. It was easy for me to say this BECAUSE I knew there was nowhere that he and I could go....maybe my actions were confusing because I can hang out with guys and not like them unless I like them (if that makes sense). Maybe he was confused because I said I just wanna be friends but to him it sounded like I want you to feel like WE are an US, when we have never really even been a we...I mean if I didn't like you before I definately dont like you now that you textually abused me. So i'll give a brief synopsis of his textually abusive conversation "you are stupid....you don't deserve me...you deserve all the bullshit that you get..." now if thats not abuse I don't know what the hell is. Intense. I mean this post is not to talk about him in any negative light. Because honestly, I believe that he is a good guy...actually a really great guy but im not a great girl for him. Im not a great girl for him because we just don't have IT. and to ME it is very weird for a guy to be so vocal about their disdain for me...I mean I can appreciate honesty but there is a fine line. I think that I should come with a warning like "you may like me BUT I am no good for you, unless I like you back." and again I have to admit the things that I did wrong but he has to realize that you can not make any one like you, and if you have to make someone like you then they don't deserve you. I can list 20 great qualities about him but I can also list things that guys NOT HIM should not do.

1. Never ever ask a girl about the other guy she talks to, especially if your interested in her.

a. it is very uncomfortable

b. it makes you look weak, what kinda man ask about another grown ass man

c. i think it's jealousy and/or insecurity...i mean you may say it's not... but it clearly is...why you wanna know what this man is doing

d. i need a CONFIDENT MAN...not a bitch

e. bitches ask about bitches ...point. blank. period.

f. don't ask a girl when was the last time she slept with the dude she REALLY talks to...WEAK

2. don't try and make her your girl when all she wants to be is your friend

3. don't confuse flirtatious behavior, just don't

4. don't make it awkward

if not me, than her?

I often quote one of my favorite people and say "if not me, than who?" But now I have to wonder, if not me, than will it be her? As a woman, Im always wondering if I say no, than will another girl say yes...I think the answer to the question is DUH. For every time you say no there will be some uber thirsty girl who will say YES. When is it a problem? I think it becomes a problem when you are no longer even asked or given the option to say NO. What happens when you began to think you no longer will be asked questions that will make you say NO or YES. Honestly, I want to know what this means to a guy... We are together everyday. We talk on the phone...(not text but actually talk)...I was gonna say more but what's the point...when a girl spends everyday with a guy and he SHOWs her more than enough attention it means something to a girl...I don't know what it means to a BOY but it means alot to a female. Im with you everyday, how am I not suppose to catch feelings? how am I not gonna feel a certain way when I have not talked to you in days...in hours... but a BOY on the other hand can spend this entire week with you and it means nothing to him once you leave....he is #ontothenextone...but you--as a woman are pondering over everything you said...did I say this wrong? did i answer that question wrong? did I do to much? What you did was care...what you did was stay the whole week with him...what you did was make him believe you were to into it/him/all that jazz about him...Even though im not a man and I don't know what they think, I think I know certain things about them.. because this is when you start to ask questions like...her? over me? After you spent a consistent week with him and you didn't get the next week...your wondering...is she there? whoever she may be...you keep questioning whether or not its your fault that you didn't get the call back...you didn't get the call back because you deserve better...you don't deserve to question whether or not this man/boy will call you back...

who gon' check me boo?

when someone shows you who they are, you must believe them...because if a guy tells you he is an ass hole, 9 times out of 10 he is an ass hole.

this post is not necessarily about a guy--but more or less about the actions of this guys other girl...SO, my question is....in college when is it okay to be serious? and how do you know if your really serious? See me, Im the type to not ask questions--i just go with the flow...I've never felt like I had to mark my territory or express that im the one...because if your really the one like you think you are---that shit wouldn't need to be expressed. So who gon' check me boo? But now I must ask myself---is it my fault because I don't ask questions...should I ask questions when i'am not looking for monogamy? I don't want to be committed. I want it all with out the title...I don't want to be anyones girlfriend anytime soon...but I don't want to be a #sidelinechick, especially when I thought you weren't looking for monogamy either...but clearly you weren't looking for monogamy with me because you already had it with her...and thats probably why I should ask questions...because now someone feels like they can #checkme...and it aint going down like that...

I feel like im playing a different game than most...You say you want a girl who does not ask questions...does not sweat you...does not stalk...but when you get that girl who does everything you asked for...you want the girl who is always doing something extra...you want the girl who's sweating you, stalking you and asking all the questions...you want the girl who's checking another girl over you but you don't claim either...it makes no sense to me....but who gon' check me boo?

So, im starting to think that- YOU, don't know what you want...you want everything except the shit you asked for plus what you asked for...

part 2 in the A.M.

all the wrong things

A womanizer is a guy who makes zillions of women think he is in love with them and that he is the best guy in the universe but never know he is making 12774763836543 other women think that to

MANIZER-In my personal opinion a manizer does not kiss and tell like a womanizer does bc she knows what is expected of her and is smart enough to realize that she will be incorrectly labeled a whore in todays day and age.

i don't know about you, but sometimes i do some stupid shit...

like keep talking to him when i know i shouldn't...

keep complaining about the same shit, and not changing it

keep on settling...its always bad when you say "im so over this shit" but then you still on it

i mean everyone knows you must love yourself first, in order to find someone who will equally love you but i love my self a WHOLE lot and look at me...

it must be true that you are the people who you date

because the BOY i like is a WOMANIZER....and a womanizer not in the sense that he hits women...but he HITS if you catch my drift...he loves WOMEN...just like i love MEN, and if you know me-- you know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE men....but the difference between girls and boys and men and women is that a guy will date 20 girls because he believes that they all add up to the 1 girl that he is trying to date...but as a girl we will have 63 major qualifications and that 1 guy will have 40 and we will be completely contempt with that....

to be continued

pssss

I never went on a date with the boy from "Date Text".... Thats not what im looking for. Im not looking for anything but that's not what I want. I was gonna go on the date for the free food...but I can feed myself. I'd rather have my pride. You have to set standards for yourself. You have to believe that you deserve the best. If you don't believe in you; who will? I believe that I should be courted. Not just courted until "you get me" but courted until I am some mans wife.

Miss Understood...

Finally

Finally, Lo wrote a post!

But anyway.

Have you ever seen someone, and been so intrigued by the way they look that you didn't want to get to know them, for fear that they might not even be who you thought they would be. Some people don't understand what I mean by that. But to me its so clear. I like the way you look, I like the way you smile. I don't want this to be more than that because what if its not genuine. What if your smile is fake and your pain was real? What if your look was a small piece of who you weren't? I don't want to get to know you because I just want to look at you. Its like a fine piece of jewelry. it can be so beautiful, but its just not your style. What happens when we go beyond just looking and I realize that I don't like anything about you. I think thats why I like guys who are a little bit rough around the edges. I don't know what to expect... Being that I am 20 now (and im so mature) I look for different attributes in a guy. Well technically -I don't look for guys- but you know what I mean.

1. I like a Man who makes me feel beautiful

2. Someone who makes me laugh

3. Someone who gives me a new outlook

4. Someone who inspires me

5. Someone who is exactly who they say they are